At The Lot

Another weird day has passed. I feel powerless - some of the classes I'm taking this year despair me, seriously. If only I could study only what I want and what interests me, I'm sure I would have been much more eager to study. The problem is that it's not up to me, and these are still my duties and I have to handle them like an adult. uhh an adult. Actually I've always been an adult, and now it's my time to have some fun, to relax, to work on myself, and figure out what I want. So I'm studying like a good girl, but my attitude has changed - I've changed. Now more than ever (yet still not completely) I take everything in proportions...
I've attached a shoot that I've been wanting to do for a really long time, but not in it's original format - maybe one day I'll do that as well. At the lot, during one of the coldest winters I can recall, serene is the best way to describe this urban view. Inviting, warm and metalic. I love parking lots...

The Power of a Smile

I wanna say a few words about the beauty of laughter. If you see someone gloomy, crying or mad - smile him with kindness. Feel free to be free of worries at times. For life can be hard, it sometimes puts heavy burdens on us, and what better way to deal with them than by smiling? For life is neither good or bad, it is what we choose to make of it, and why not to make the best of it?
I don't wish very often, but I'm filled with hope that one day we'll be able to look back at all what made us feel sorrow, and look at the half glass that's full. There isn't good without evil, and we are the ones who choose how to look at things. I look at the bright side, the humouristic, and try to learn from my mistakes and try not to take them too seriously - I laugh. How about you?...

The Hoosiers/ Worried About Ray:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61GrbjeNc1E&ob=av3e

Allow me to be Deep

Allow me to be a little deep:
I write. I think. I exist. That's my moto in life. That's the thing that defines me most of all and helps me think and see things clearly. Even though they're not always true objectively (maybe even most of the times), just to think about things is good for me, it shows me that I'm still me, still normal.. The thoughts aren't always cheerful, they're hard do think about at times. But the good thing about thinking constantly - is that you always reach new conclusions, that sometimes contradict old ones. You evolve. And I have the writing to thank that for.
And some more deep thoughts:
I believe that when we think, we truly follow the 4 steps that Bean from "Ender's Shadow" described - Know, Think, Choose, Act. The problem is that most of us get stuck in the transition from the 3rd step to the 4th, most of us don't follow our choice. Well, I think I've finally chosen a future for me, after knowing the options for a while, think about it and now choosing at last. Hopefully I won't get stuck in the transition, cause I know I'll have to face many challenges, so I really hope that I'll be able to act according to my choice.

My room. Serenity.

Chamber of Smoke

I need my drug,
I need my medicine
More than I need you.
I need my pill,
I need my smoke -
More and more and more - till I'll choke.

I've had it once,
I've had it twice,
Then I've had it for fourteen times
More than I need you,
More than I can contain\Inhale, inhale, it will ease away the pain.

I thought I need it for you
So you would love me more -
But I'm trapped, in a chamber of smoke
You've become my excuse,
I can sadly only abuse.
I'm killing myself, and that's what I choose,
Inhale, inhale - till you lose.

5.2.12

Dry and too High

I've learnt something about myself the other day - I hurt myself for others. I need certain people's approval so desperately at times that I do things that are unhealthy and even bad for me, just so they would like me and appreciate me more. It's a bit mental, but I'm working on it.

I guess that's what you get when you raise your child in a loveless home and drain out every drop of happiness he or she was born with... I'm dry of love but slowly starting to accumulate reserves, and I need to stop transforming myself into something I'm not and don't want to be. I'll be appreciated much more then for my strength...

But for now, I think this song describes my current state of mind best. Don't leave my high, don't leave me dry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BciOfJsqh7M&ob=av2e

Oh, and quite ironically - I've shot some pics of my dry clean for this post...