Saturday, January 28, 2012

Gloomy Afternoon

I'm not sure what it is, I'm not sure how to deal with it, I'm not sure where it's coming from - but I think it's fear. I'll try to explain - I guess experiencing so much happiness, tasting from the fruit of joy and love only makes life much scarier, cause now that you've tasted it, now that you know how it feels, it'll be much harder to lose. Actually it will be devastating.


Sunset at wintery Jerusalem, fear in my heart of the approaching night.. I'm happy more than I can contain.


Placebo/ Running Up That Hill
It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You be running up that hill
You and me be running up that hill

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...

You don't wanna hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

You, be running up that hill
You and me, be running up that hill
You and me won't be unhappy.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh...

C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience...

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Where Do We Go From Here?

Chris Rene/ Where Do We Go From Here?
well maybe we can take our chances,
or maybe we can see whats on your mind
i wonder if we look, inside our hearts,
exactly what we'd find

maybe we could take a lot of pain away, yeah yeah
or maybe we could heal the world today
or maybe, you know, something, i don't,
if you do then tell me

where do we go from here
where do we go from here
where do we go from here
yeah

where do we go from here
where do we go from here
where do we go from here
god only knows

I've been feeling a lot of new feelings lately, and I've gone through many excitingly unfamiliar experiences that I can't even explain how much they mean to me, how much this love means to me. But as I've said previously - I'm not idealistic anymore, I know that not everything will always be bright and cheery, but I know that we'll be able to deal with everything that will come or is approaching.

The only question that lingers in my mind right now is - where do we go from here?

In a way it's a rhetorical question - no-one can tell, and we can't really anticipate what will come. But in a way it's also an actual question: how more can I express how this love fills my insides? That whenever I think about him a foolish smiles comes to my face, whenever I remember him. So much love terrifies me, I'm not used to feeling that, but it also feels me with happiness, with hope for a better future for myself, and with self-acceptance.

As much as love is unexplainable, irrational and even selfish - I know now how much I can love and how much I can care, and it's more beautiful than I've ever imagined. And it makes me ask myself - where do we go from here? But in a good way...

Friday, January 13, 2012

A Hard Rain's Falling Down

Bob Dylan - A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall

Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin'
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin'
I saw a white ladder all covered with water
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall

And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
And what did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin'
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world
Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'
Heard ten thousand whisperin' and nobody listenin'
Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin'
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall

Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I met a young child beside a dead pony
I met a white man who walked a black dog
I met a young woman whose body was burning
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow
I met one man who was wounded in love
I met another man who was wounded with hatred
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall

Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin'
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten
Where black is the color, where none is the number
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin'
But I'll know my song well before I start singin'
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall


Monday, January 2, 2012

L.O.V.E. part 2

I've said in the past, on a previous post (L.O.V.E) that "We choose what to make of life, we choose what to learn from a movie, and we choose what is love and compassion for us. It doesn't have to be the Hollywood ditsy-careless-naive love. It can be dependant or harsh or hopeful-yet-realistic love." and concluded by saying that "I need to grow up and understand that I'm in charge of my life and I can choose a different kind of love to believe in: I choose to look at the bright side and not to expect too much of myself and of others, to always believe in the good side of men, to know that there are obstacles, and realise that there may not be a happy ending, but one can only grow from rock-bottom, and although it's scary down there - the feeling of love is worth it."

Allow me to confess a bit: when I wrote these things, it was more wishful-thinking than already an feta compli, hoping that one day I'll be able to do that switch and grow up at last. But today I can safely say that I believe in that whole-heartedly now, and I love like that. That's another thing I can say I've already accomplished this year, and it wasn't even intentionally, which makes it even better. I love and expect more realistically, knowing that there will be ups and downs, but I focus more on the journey, on enjoying the relationship itself, other than preoccupying myself with what will be and my insecurities. I'm a bit ditsy, but already know better, I am not as idealistic, but I know we'll overcome it, and above all - I'm not as naive, but instead very hopeful..


And you know what? I believe that love is incredible all by itself, and I'm gonna enjoy it like hell...