Holiday Seasons

 

 

Family events can drive you insane. Literally. All this mental preparation toward what may or may not come, what your family might or might not say - can really make you lose it. Flashbacks, depression and general sadness. No wonder the suicide rates in the holidays and after them peak. Some are lonely in the holidays, while others wish they would have been, some are nostalgic and emotional and some are just overwhelmed by thoughts. Most are nervous, some are sad in a way.

 

This year I was lonely at first, and was really looking forward to meeting with my family, but the thought of this holiday also made me sad that I'll be spending it with my family and not with my ex. And then I remembered this movie that I saw a couple of months ago - you have to do your best, and even more, because if you do, if you really try to be happy and make whatever it is that makes you feel good - you got a shot at a silver lining...

 

So.. the following pics are from passover eve - which turned out to be quite fun. Getting back home alone was harder - holidays overwhelm me with thoughts...

 

btw - this Kiddush cup is the one I bought my parents at London :)



Current State: Happy

I'm definitely in a good place right now. Yes, there are times when I miss him more that I'd like, but for the most part - I feel really good. I've registered a screenplay writing class, I've tried my luck in 2 short story competitions, and I've been basically been doing what I want, without having to consider anyone else. And it's really liberating. So, let me say happy weekend with the following quote. Out of context - it really transmits my current state:

"Putting my defences up,
cause I don't wanna fall in love,
if I ever did that -
I think I'll have a heart attack."

Plus - I've really started to fall in love with Tel Aviv.

 

  



A broken heart

Oh Daniel! If I could, I would tear out my heart strings and give them to you for safekeeping.
For only your hands can heal the pain, for only your words, your eyes will remedy my tears.
A thousand nights and a thousand mornings I'll mourn your loss, and at days I'll wonder from house to house, hoping for some happiness to blunt my grief.
My Daniel, Daniel.
Thy kisses will be my crown, the crown of darkness, which I'll carry all my life, as a sign of Cain for my mistake, the mistake of saying goodbye to the love of my life.
My precious, my dear, my righteous love, I yearn to your warmth, to your lips, to your loving gaze.
Will I ever love another as I have loved you? Will I ever be as happy and smile as I have smiled with you? Will I ever be loved as you've loved me?
Oh, a fake smile, O bloody ransom for freedom. Be careful what you wish for, child, or it will return against you as a double-edged sword.
Stubborn as a mule, I carried the flag of the sovereignity , while my heart yearned for the dictatorship of love, and here I am on a Sunday night - lost.
Independent and lonely, longing for any affection, when in fact, Daniel -
Longing for you, my love.

24.3.13
Shakespeare wannabe..

How to Survive London

I was recently in a two week trip all alone in London. The freezing London. And there are some small tips I wish to pass on to all of  those who travel alone and to cold places and on cold weather like this:

A good coat and a good scarf can save the day. It will allow you to walk around in the winter as well and enjoy any city.

Go to the Afternoon Tea at the Ritz - that's really a must, although a bit expensive. If you do it on your second day, it will give you a chance to go out afterward and get to know the city. It's an excuse to get out of the hotel, that becomes a really good way to get to know London's nightlife. Not to mention the amazing dinner you'll have there ;)

Layer up! That way when you're indoors you can take your coat off and put it back on before going out - a must when dealing with temperature differences and heating inside!



Don't be shy when it comes to taking pictures while travelling alone. There's no reason your pretty face and clothes won't be in the pic :)

Wear comfortable boots. When abroad - you walk a lot more than usual, so make sure you wear the shoes that won't break your feet while doing so (and still look fashionable).

Search for celebs :) it gives you something to do and a routine as weird as it sounds, and you feel like you have a pusrpose. Whether it's celeb sights (Stonehenge for example) or people (real or fake celebs at Madame Tussauds) it's cool to know you're not only touring, but have plans.

Don't be afraid to meet new people. Even if they're the ones who approach you. Good things can come out of that - like a really cool conversation at Hyde park or going to Abbey Road and pretend you're the Beatles :)...

Visit at least one sight you're passionate about, regardless of what people might say. To me it was the Planetarium and Stonehenge.

I've come to think that in every Chinatown there's a magical vibe - look for it!

When taking pictures - move your but away from the camera - key element for a thin silhouette in pics - and for not hiding the entire view ;)...

Be nice to waiters. It can make your stay much more pleasant, improve service, bring out food faster and allow you to goof around a bit!

At your final night - go out to a club. Especially if you don't club, it's a good experience from time to time to break loose of your daily worries. Let go sometimes, it will be for the best.

And always do whatever makes you feel good. Stay true to yourself while considering others. Love yourself. You'll be happy then very quickly. And remember that the only one that can bring you down - is yourself..

Love and Fear

I've gone through a lot of pain three months ago. My heart has been broken for the first time' and I've mourned it in the last two and a half months, and finally I feel like I'm starting to get better. I'm starting to forgive, I'm starting to understand you, and most of all - I'm starting to believe in us again and believe that this time we'll be able to build something much stronger and more stable.

To hear that you're sorry wasn't enough, to get all those flowers wasn't either. What convinced me that you're really willing to fight this time and you take responsibility was when I walked out, when I gave up and didn't wanna try to build our relationship again - and you came out after me. To the street. To convince me. It really showed me how much you love me and won't let me go like that.

Things haven't been easy when we got back, I was so hurt and didn't trust you at all. It wasn't like starting all over again, it was worse, the trust was at a much lower level. But slowly I started to gain confidence, bit by bit. You took responsibility for rebuilding the trust and I chose to trust you once and for all, and the past couple of weeks have been wonderful.

But I'm so scared sometimes... The fear creeps in at the most unexpected occasions... And I love you, and trust you like I've never believed I would with any man, like I didn't think I even can, but I'm so scared to be hurt again, I'm scared that I'll push you away from my life because of the memories of the time you said goodbye. I'm so scared, and I drown myself in TV shows, cooking, studying, working and anything I can think of. But I'm still scared. And I think that it's not because I don't trust you.. It's because I don't trust me enough.

Life is like that - you choose to trust and you hope that the other person won't let you down. There's no certainty there - we may not be together forever. And I know that. And looking at how much energy you put into our relationship in the past month really calms me down. I see a change in you, and it relaxes me. But from time to time - the fear of losing you creeps in. And though I'm much stronger today, it scares me still.